Let's Talk About Imposter Syndrome: Angie Coates
Let’s Talk About Imposter Syndrome is part of a recurring annual interview series where we dig deep into the issues which are affecting our community most, but that doesn’t get talked about all that often publicly.
Last year we talked about anxiety. This year we’re focused on something that may be even more of a stumbling block when you’re trying to run a business: imposter syndrome.
If you’ve ever felt like you don’t belong at the table or that what you’ve accomplished had more to do with good fortune than your own hard work and abilities (despite mountains of evidence to the contrary), then it’s fair to say this sneaky little devil has wormed its way into your life too.
An estimated 70% of people (more than 2/3 people) will experience imposter syndrome at some point or another, which means we should hear a lot more about it. But it has this way of keeping us from sharing and that’s because it wouldn’t have nearly as much power over us if we realized we’re all in the same boat together.
So here we are, dismantling the silos that imposter syndrome tends to create, and sharing the stories of six amazing people who have found success on their own terms, despite being confronted with these “fraudy” feelings on the reg. They’re bravely offering up their experiences and the tools they’ve used to fight back so that the rest of us can be inspired, motivated, and confident enough to do the same.
Photo Credit: Alexa Mazzarello
Introducing: Angie Coates
First up, Angie Coates, artist, designer, and owner of The Five15, an online accessories and apparel store for feminists, dog lovers, and good people.
Originally from Mexico, Angie is a Vancouverite now who took that nerve-wracking leap from corporate life to entrepreneurship a few years ago and has never looked back. With her trusty Meatball (a rescue pittie) and her husband at her side, Angie is coming off her best year yet for her business, despite doing things a little “non-traditionally”, as she put it, and working less than she has in previous years. She’s also looking forward to new challenges, like doing more illustration work and developing those skills more (although we think she’s already pretty phenomenal at it 😊).
WHEN DID YOU FIRST KNOW YOU WERE SUFFERING FROM IMPOSTER SYNDROME, LIKE REALLY PUT A NAME TO IT?
I think it’s always been there. I don’t remember a specific time when it happened, but I know it’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time.
For example, last year my coach introduced my husband and me as artists to some people at an event and I immediately started saying “oh no, I’m not an artist, I’m a designer” trying to downplay it. My coach just said “that’s interesting, what’s going on there? You immediately said no”. So that’s something I’m trying to make a specific effort to do in 2020. When someone asks what I do, I want to be able to say that I’m an artist.
It’s taken a while to gain an awareness around [imposter syndrome] though. I definitely didn’t call it imposter syndrome in my 20’s.
I don’t know whether it’s a combination of age and the times we live in (which I am grateful for in a way), but watching other women that I know talk about it and deal with it in really empowering ways has helped me understand it better.
HOW HAS IMPOSTER SYNDROME MANIFESTED IN YOUR OWN LIFE? WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE AND WHEN DOES IT HAPPEN MOST OFTEN?
Imposter syndrome sometimes manifests in my life disguised as perfectionism. When it kicks in, I tend to put a lot more pressure on myself than I need to and it causes so much unnecessary stress. My perfectionism gets triggered whenever I feel like I have to overcompensate, which is (in my experience) a common symptom of imposter syndrome.
It becomes an unnecessary drain of energy that I could be using towards doing my best work or filling my cup or being recharged and I am very aware of that.
That feeling of not being good enough translates to all areas of my life too, not just professional ones. I notice it in my personal relationships, and sometimes notice I want to overcompensate when I don’t need to.
The good news is, I don’t have to act on it anymore, but I’m very aware that it presents itself in all areas of my life.
CAN YOU DESCRIBE TIMES WHEN YOU FEEL IT THE MOST?
Generally speaking, in the past, undercharging for my work is one of the biggest ways that imposter syndrome has manifested itself.
I also notice it when I am not being very clear with people about my boundaries - saying yes to conditions that maybe aren’t in my best interest. This goes back to that feeling of having to overcompensate; which I don’t do anymore. I’ve been making a real conscious effort to work on being clear, direct and aligned in all my relationships, including professional ones.
DO YOU FEEL LIKE IMPOSTER SYNDROME HOLDS YOU BACK? IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD HAVE DONE BUT DIDN’T BECAUSE OF IT? ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO THAT YOU’RE NOT?
I didn’t quit my job and start my business for a long time. I really wanted to do something creative when I had a corporate job and I wanted to do design and art. Imposter syndrome told me “you’re too old”, “nobody’s going to hire you”, “you’re going to get into so much debt to go to school” and “it’s a big risk, so don’t do it”.
Before I started my business I was still trying to find jobs, having only one foot into entrepreneurship. I almost took a job at a company where my skills wouldn’t really be utilized to their potential, it wasn’t creative at all and I was also going to be underpaid. But it had benefits and it was stable and it seemed like the ‘smart’ choice. I trusted my gut and turned it down, and that motivated me even more to start my business. Also, the company went bankrupt 2 months later which is a weird coincidence. I took that as another sign that I was on the right path.
If I act on all my imposter syndrome fears, I wouldn’t be where I am today. It always holds me back. There’s a lot of things I did last year for my business that seemed like risks and had I listened to that voice telling me “who do you think you are” I wouldn’t have done them, and I would have missed out on great opportunities.
WHAT FACTORS IN YOUR OWN LIFE, OR SOCIETY AS A WHOLE, DO YOU THINK CONTRIBUTE TO THESE FEELINGS OF NOT BEING ADEQUATE?
I have been paying a lot of attention to the representation of women in the media and in culture and historically, there aren’t that many examples of women - and even less of Latin women (I am originally from Mexico) - in positions of power.
That is slowly changing, but we still have a long way to go. The fact that in Canada there’s only been one Prime Minister who is a woman (and that was in the 90s) and that only 6% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women, matters. It’s hard to be what we can’t see.
Today I try to focus as much as I can on all the women in positions of power that I admire around the world. I think we are lucky to be living in a time where -although sometimes scary- it’s also a very empowering time for women.
I am inspired by women like Megan Rapino, and Michelle Obama and all of the amazing women that are trailblazing right now; I think that’s a good antidote to imposter syndrome.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE WAYS YOU FIGHT BACK WHEN YOU START TO HAVE THESE FEELINGS?
Language matters. We choose words that are empowering to us and that varies for everybody, but I notice how much we call women “girls” and “babes”. To me, a “babe” is a baby (but maybe that’s because I’m ESL) and I think those words matter.
Words that infantilize women aren’t empowering to me, although they may be empowering to others and I totally respect that. I’m trying to be mindful and change my vocabulary to reflect my current values - the words that I use for empowerment - and what I consume because I know my confidence levels are susceptible to them.
What I read, who I follow, all of that matters.
Although I am not responsible for the factors in society that contribute to imposter syndrome, I am responsible for how I deal with it. That’s why I also have a coach, I’ve gone to therapy (which is so helpful), and I make sure I look after my health. Self-care (and not just quotes on Instagram) is a rebellious act.
I can’t just say “well this is the way society is and why I have imposter syndrome”. I am responsible for finding the tools to overcome it.
That said, having compassion for myself is also important. It’s ok if I don’t do it perfectly and don’t always feel like I can rule the world.
Another great antidote for imposter syndrome is to fill our heads with more voices that overpower it. Sometimes, the negative voice is louder, but if I fill my brain with more voices - with those of others who are doing the things I want to do - then suddenly my brain doesn’t have as many excuses.
Whenever I have a big idea or want to take a risk, my coach always asks “is it possible? Does it exist? Are people out there doing what you want to do or something similar?” I love/hate this question because the answer is almost always yes. Anything is possible, and if it can be done, why couldn’t it be done by me?
I heard an interview with Brené Brown and she said that the quote “leap and the net will appear” is bullshit. You may well fall on your face. You don’t leap because the net will appear, you leap because the pain of standing on the edge is greater than the pain of falling. And you may fall, but you will never find out unless you do it. So I’m just going to continue to go for it because, as Adam Kurtz also says, “failure is just research unless you never try again”.
Finally, I can’t stress enough the importance of therapy. We look after our bodies so much, but our brain is THE most important part of our body.
I take my car for scheduled maintenance because I don’t want my car to break down. I don’t wait until it breaks down to repair it. I try to treat my mind the same way.
I know therapy is a privilege and a lot of people can’t afford it. Sometimes it is a stretch for me to pay for therapy, but it’s important to spend my money on things that I value. I value therapy so I make sure I save money for it.
HAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH IMPOSTER SYNDROME CHANGED OR EVOLVED OVER THE YEARS?
Yes. Today I view overcoming imposter syndrome as a responsibility.
I believe that part of my purpose in life is to be happy and to be of service. It’s harder to do either of these when I don’t feel worthy or good about myself.
Dealing with imposter syndrome–imperfectly–is a way I look after myself. The more I look after myself, the more I am able to be happy and of service to my community and the people that I love.
It’s a win/win. It’s not just for me. I believe we’re all connected, and when one of us shines, everyone shines. Looking after myself and thriving has an impact on other people because I know when others do, it definitely has a positive impact on me.
WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR OTHERS WHO ARE EXPERIENCING THE SAME THING?
Don’t believe everything you think and surround yourself with people that empower you.
Seek communities that can help you grow and then continue challenging yourself and doing what you love.
And you know… maybe turn the volume down when those thoughts come up. They may come up, but you don’t have to act on them.
Finally, be gentle with yourself! Sometimes I have feelings about my feelings, I feel guilty about feeling guilty, but we should all give ourselves a break. We’re doing our best and moving forward and that’s what really matters.
Check out all the posts in our Let’s Talk About Imposter Syndrome series .