Let's Talk About Imposter Syndrome: Dr. Amie Wolf
Let’s Talk About Imposter Syndrome is part of a recurring annual interview series where we dig deep into the issues which are affecting our community most, but that doesn’t get talked about all that often publicly.
Last year we talked about anxiety. This year we’re focused on something that may be even more of a stumbling block when you’re trying to run a business: imposter syndrome.
If you’ve ever felt like you don’t belong at the table or that what you’ve accomplished had more to do with good fortune than your own hard work and abilities (despite mountains of evidence to the contrary), then it’s fair to say this sneaky little devil has wormed its way into your life too.
An estimated 70% of people (more than 2/3 people) will experience imposter syndrome at some point or another, which means we should hear a lot more about it. But it has this way of keeping us from sharing and that’s because it wouldn’t have nearly as much power over us if we realized we’re all in the same boat together.
So here we are, dismantling the silos that imposter syndrome tends to create, and sharing the stories of six amazing people who have found success on their own terms, despite being confronted with these “fraudy” feelings on the reg. They’re bravely offering up their experiences and the tools they’ve used to fight back so that the rest of us can be inspired, motivated, and confident enough to do the same.
Introducing: Amie Wolf
But we’re not entirely done, because there’s one last story to share and it’s that of Dr. Amie Wolf; founder of the Perception Work Group, which develops thought-provoking workshops, courses, and materials that enable our educators and leaders alike to ignite passion and a deep understanding around decolonization work in our communities.
Being of Mi’kmaq Nation ancestry, Amie, had intended to bring an Indigenous perspective to the subject of imposter syndrome and, while she certainly did that, she also ended up somewhat unintentionally, sharing another stark and explicit message about it. That coming to terms with imposter syndrome and working to regain control over it can, in itself, be a point of trauma and that we can’t just step blindly into stories of our past when we’re not fully equipped or prepared to be there.
Amie grew up in foster care and was adopted by a white family. Who she was, her heritage, her everything became prohibited and wrong in the eyes of her new communities. She was threatened and forced to pretend she was someone she wasn’t to survive. Not just for a day or for a workshop or for some awkward dinner with friends of friends. This was her every day and she said it still is.
So, as Amie began to answer the questions we provided and offer some insights on how to overcome imposter syndrome, she found herself reliving moments she wasn’t prepared to remember. Events that she had long suppressed.
And because of that a process that was meant to feel cathartic instead felt, at times, like a re-disassembling of her understanding of self; a vital perspective that we’re so honoured she chose to share for this series. In part because more extreme mental health experiences can sometimes be missing from the broader societal discourse about imposter syndrome. But also because it’s an important reminder to people that these things cannot always be explored without professional support.
Amie’s story gets to the core of how overpowering our internal actions can be, while layering in a complicated dialogue about how external racism, oppression, and othering create and exacerbate the experience of imposter syndrome.
With this she shows us that we cannot simply step back into massive points of trauma without being properly prepared to be there or understanding the context of what brought us there. And that is why we are publishing this letter from Amie about her experience participating in this series and with imposter syndrome itself. Because not everyone reading this series is coming from the same place, has faced the same challenges, or has even begun their own journey to understanding imposter syndrome and the story she has to tell is an important one to comprehend when we’re contending with our own journeys and the ways we can affect change beyond ourselves.
So without further ado, Dr. Amie Wolf, in her own words:
Dear Friends,
I started early in the New Year writing a pretty academic-sounding and researched article about exploring imposter syndrome as a symptom of an unhealthy worldview. I thought I’d offer an Indigenous perspective. However, the piece, although due on time, it just wasn't good writing; it sounded phony.
So, on the day of the deadline, I tried rewriting my answers to your ten questions about imposter syndrome. I attempted to be honest.
My business partner, Maia, read my responses and suggested what I’d written was too personal and maybe material that belonged in something like a private counselling session.
She was right.
I cried a lot and felt lost. I realized the deadline had come and gone and that I didn't have a submission. That’s really not like me. I take pride in behaving professionally but this was obviously in the realm of my own healing work and not something I could make happen ‘on time’.
I needed to come to terms with the fact that there are things I have experienced in my life that I'm not proud of, things that don't reflect what I want to project or who I want to be in the world.
Deep down inside, I push this knowledge away from myself because I don't feel it can have a voice or be seen because it's insufficient.
I live a double life in this way. I am accomplished, and I believe that I am a good person. However, I can't enjoy the peace of mind and happiness that ought to come from these things because I feel it’s just not who I truly am. That’s my imposter syndrome - the inner state of myself not believing in myself.
After I realized and accepted the fact about the nature of my own imposter syndrome, which I truly didn't get before, I smudged and asked my higher power for guidance.
Then, I did a meditation, focusing on my breathing and just being still so I could hear a little voice should she speak to me.
First, my heart hurt with the pain of my new awareness about my imposter syndrome.
Then, the pain released, almost like a water balloon bursting, except light came from it and flooded the room. I felt a loving presence.
The voice said, "It's okay. It's alright. You just are who you are. You are loved."
I saw the two parts of myself, the one I feel isn’t good enough and that I hide, and the one I think is good enough and that I’m proud of, touch each other and come together like two halves of an orb. It felt like having a full moon inside me. I felt whole.
A sense of serenity suffused me. I felt at ease. I felt like the real me, which turned out to be nothing more than simply not feeling fake.
I’ve discovered that deep self-honesty is a technology. It’s a skill that, when practiced, becomes a habit, a new way of life that is authentic. I’m going to work at being more and more honest with myself about where I’m really at and what I actually need.
It seems uncanny, as if it was 'meant to be', because I was so ready for an opportunity like this: talking about imposter syndrome. I wanted a New Year. I wanted to really step fully into my own authentic life, to be 20/20 and to see things clearly, but something was holding me back.
Who knows what might happen this year now that I’m aware of my imposter syndrome?
I think only good things will come as a result!
I am very lucky to have people in my life, so many, who have shown me that they see and love all these parts of me.
As Tara Brock says in the beautiful heart opening meditation that also helped me so much today, "We are friends."
Warmly and with affection and deep gratitude,
Amie Wolf
Check out all the posts in our Let’s Talk About Imposter Syndrome series .
